A Daily Weight Struggle

Well, I get to miss my appointments and weigh-in this week. I won a trip to the cath lab. Not happy about it but not going to sit here and dwell on the fact either. That makes a day real long and bad.
I have always been a eat once a day and power drink 44 ounce colas and 7 pots of coffee per day type of person. I have found trying to eat the right stuff is not difficult but I can not help but feel like now I am doing to much of it.
Going from once per day to 3 times per day all in one shot is hard for me. I believe it all to be a mental game really. I am not old but I say I am. I say I am old and set in my ways. I am used to certain things and I hate things to get switched up on me. When it does, things go horribly wrong for me.
So now, I got Whole grain this and that, no sugar this, no sugar that, low fat this, low fat that, Carb Master Yogurts form Kroger and all the other goodies that one could want and I just know step on the scale day it is not gonna work out for me.
So I wonder if I have a lesson to learn here:
1: Worry about eating and getting nutrition fist. Not just once per day
2: Worry about doing it better (properly) once I get myself into a “Natural” not forced routine. Is this even right? Am I justifying my bad ways here?
Is there a such thing as natural and not forced when a person has been a junk food junk all their life like me? I guess we are going to find out. When I learn to quit justifying why it is right to fail and justify why it is right to make it work, I think I will be ok then, until then, I am in for rough seas.
I managed to lose almost 55 lb 2 years ago and I know I have it in me and can do it. What did I do? I managed to justify eating a bunch of junk food to celebrate losing that much weight. 😉 Smart right? Well once some weight came back I justified gaining some more because more didn’t matter at this point.
And here I sit today. I caught myself doing the same exact thing, the same exact way this morning. Is that not embarrassing? I have walked away for 4 packs of cigarettes per day and a can of Kodiak every couple days and other stuff I wont mention and food and sugar, NOPE! Unbelievable.
Stay well my friends. Every silver lining has it’s touch of Grey and it to shall come to pass.